Animal Instinct.

Sometimes I think it's best if we stay in the dark. Why? Because in the dark, you can't really see how much you have to lose. There maybe darkness but in that darkness there is a little inkling of hope. "Hope". Such a tiny word, but it practically holds the key to your spirit. Hope is what differentiates if you're living or merely existing.


Someone told me today that I need to start drawing lines. That way I know the extent to which I can let myself loose and the moment I reach that little pencil sketch, it's etched into my head that I need to turn around and come back. But what happens when you start drawing lines ONLY to cross them ? I've crossed lines, then I realize why they were drawn in the first place. There's something exciting about breaking the rules. Then you get broken. One of life's not so funny jokes I'm assuming.

I do want to meet the man who said " Whatever you don't know can't hurt you " though. I think he's a total moron ! Okay there are some people in this world who would love to stand under " Ignorance Umbrella " but that's my problem. I need answers. I need to know. For me, not knowing is way worse than knowing. When you know, you know the extent of the problem and hence, can figure out best how to do damage control and pick up the pieces quicker so they soil less.

Speaking of life's not so funny jokes, I think someone up there hates my guts. Either that, or I'm their favorite little puppet. It's the games they drop me in. There are people who love playing and then there are people who love playing way too much. I'm always dropped in the latter. The odds are against me. Always. I realize that I'm put into games where I can't compete. So do I quit the playing field ? Nope. I stand there and take a physical smacking. I say physical because there always is some part that is always left battered. Mostly my heart. Till now they haven't touched my spirit. Hopefully they never will.

So what do I do ? Stand with my chin up. Shoulders back. Strutting. I've fallen, been hurt and now I'm up again. I'm not licking my wounds, I'm celebrating them. Scars I bear are signs that I gave it my best. I'm in the lion fight. Just because I didn't win...doesn't mean I don't know how to roar.